A Snurcher's Guide to Farscape

Could'a, Would'a, Should'a (Self Inflicted Wounds 1)

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Production No. 303

Best Viewed As 3.3

Aired As
3.03 (US & UK)

Original Airdates
30 Mar 2001 (US)
10 Sep 2001 (UK)

1.4 (US)
1.81 (UK)

Could'a, Would'a, Should'a (Self Inflicted Wounds 1)
Abbreviations: SIW.1, CWS
Alternate Titles: (none)

Wassup? · Backstory · Reactions · Annotations · Microbes · Quotes · Cast & Crew

Writer: David Kemper
Director: Tony Tilse
Tammy MacIntosh............Jool
Victoria Longley...........Neeyala
Nicholas Hope..............Kreetago 
Dwayne Fernandes...........Cresto
Kerith Atkinson............Shreena
Brian Carbee...............Lastren
Complete Credits


There's a worm in that wormhole...

Armed with maps Stark found on the commerce station, Moya heads for a planet that might heal Zhaan. But her journey is interrupted by a collision with another ship, which suddenly exits a wormhole and rematerializes partially inside the Leviathan. As the two crews struggle to free their vessels from one another, Rygel accidently revives the last Interion from cryostasis, and a mysterious space serpent keeps everyone's nerves on edge. But the separation of the two ships may result in Moya and Pilot's deaths.


Farscape World


Terra Firma


Farscape Fantasy


The Peacekeepers may practice burial in space, but John is sticking to the human standard; he wants to bury the Interion who was accidently defrosted, rather than just jettisoning his body.

Contact with the new ship's defense screen causes physical pain, at least for Luxans.

Aeryn is wary that the next system they set off on the new ship may prove lethal.

Chiana and Jothee's betrayal continues to have repercussions throughout the crew. Aeryn suggests that they were just kids rebelling. While no longer suicidal, D'Argo is still bitter and in pain. Chiana still loves D'Argo, in her own way.

The speed of Zhaan's deterioration continues to increase; the scores on her scalp are larger and her strength is weakening.

Moya is less than an arn away from a planet meeting Zhaan's requirements for healing; Stark says they need to "get her in the ground" as quickly as possible.

Upon seeing the wormhole, Crichton requested readings of the complete spectrum roll, with diffuse electron analysis across the electromagnetic range; in particular, although it's only theoretical, he wanted Pilot to look for a dimensional bend in the halo effect. However, it is unlikely that Pilot was able to obtain any of these measurements prior to their collision with the alien research vessel.

John himself planned to take his module out for a closer look, even though he knew it would delay their arrival at the planet where they hoped to heal Zhaan. This decision is at the root of his ensuing feelings of guilt.

Pilot is able to detect that the alien's vessel is approaching, even before it has completed "phase resolution".

When the helix-shaped alien research ship corkscrewed right through Moya during phase resolution, the impact totalled Tier 6 on Moya, and Tier 3 suffered multiple ruptures, going completely dark. The two ships are locked together, unless they can get the alien ship's phaztillon generator back online.

At first contact, the aliens are unable to understand Moya's crew, referring to them as a consortium: they hear different languages from each crew member, but nonetheless sense that each understands the others. Evidently translator microbes don't exist, or have been rejected, by the alien's race.

The alien research vessel is named "Rado Slana".

Pilot and Moya's cognitive functions are heavily impacted by the effects of wormholes. The bombardment of lights, sounds, and sensations causes Pilot to experience severe projectile vomiting of a green substance. The disconnection of Moya's containment nexus circuitry in the neural cluster can isolate Pilot from such distressing stimuli.

Neeyala's ship was "regaining dimensionality" when it collided with Moya. There was a massive burst of photonic distortion, and the collision ricocheted both ships into the distortion region that separates a wormhole from normal spacetime.

According to Neeyala, wormholes gravitate towards each other in segmented loops. The conjoined ships experience a jolt each time they exit one fragment, then cross a brief gap to enter another fragment. Only one such gap is large enough to permit escape from the wormhole; they pass it every 1/3 of an arn.

Neeyala's initial plan is to repair her phaztillon generator, and hope that Moya, as a living ship, doesn't interfere with the resulting "non-thermal dimensional forces".

Zhaan glimpses a planet with two moons through the window. She also sees a segment of the serpent, passing by outside the ship, and considers it an omen.

Stark believes that he has a darkness in his soul; whenever he assists the dying, he absorbs a "tiny spillet" of their existence. Over the centuries, he has accumulated a vast reservoir of evil, which he feels has been mitigated only by the love he shares with Zhaan.

John apparently learned some details of how the crychambers function, but didn't share that knowledge with Rygel: believing the final chamber to be malfunctioning, Rygel fiddled with the controls, accidently cycling it open.

The crew has no idea how Jool survived her revival from stasis.

Jool has encountered Sebaceans before, and has a scornful opinion of their worth. Her full name is Joolushko Tunai Fenta Hovalis, and according to the manifest, she was in the chamber for 22 cycles.

On Trintika Major, the predorian fly transmits a fatal rheumatoid disease called "arth".

Jool's scream apparently melts metal.

When Moya starbursted in an attempt to pop both ships out of the wall of the wormhole, the resulting stresses were too great, forcing her to abandoned the attempt midway through, and leaving Pilot unconscious for over an arn.

Aeryn is able to pick up some of Pilot's minor duties (such as opening the hangar doors) when necessary.

Neeyala's race has rules against exposure to alien species.

Neeyala has experience dealing with wormholes, but still requires empirical data to free the ships.

John's fascination with wormholes troubles his crewmates, leading them to question both his motives and his judgement.

Neeyala's impression is that Aeryn doesn't care for John.

Neeyala acknowledged the risk John took by going out into the wormhole, by thanking him for his efforts not only on her behalf, but her family's, as well.

The gizmo Neeyala gave Crichton supposedly records positional data; however, Rygel commented later that it was only recording images.

The damaged phazillon generator leaked phasic restin ions, which apparently are lethal.

The two dead Interions were Jool's cousins.

D'argo is angry with himself because he could almost forgive Chiana -- but he knows he can't trust her with his heart.

The Farscape 1 module made 17 loops to every one of Moya's; every time the module lapped the larger ships, it calibrated their postition in the slower wall of the wormhole.

Zhaan charges Stark to replace her, and remain on Moya to minister to her souls.

Zhaan and Stark have declared their love for one another.

In spite of the past two cycle's experiences, Rygel is still prepared to desert his crewmates -- and Moya -- at any opportunity.

John's patience with Rygel is apparently exhausted, and he holds nothing back when he attacks Rygel for interfering with his mission in the wormhole.

Rygel claims that John broke his nose.

Nialla finds Moya's crew's smell unpleasant, and considers them inferior.

The aliens have poison in their bristles.

The aliens already knew about the serpent's existence.

The serpent exists only in wormholes, and doesn't know they're there, according to Neeyala. It is corporeal only when the generator shifts their phase presence -- which they must do in order to make repairs.

Breathable atmosphere inside Moya apparently is managed using her filtration system (D'Argo comments that, since it's offline on Tier One, he can't breathe there).

The stress of being in a wormhole wall is sufficient to fry junctions all over Moya, possibly proving fatal.

D'Argo refers to Pilot as a "four-armed, bug-eyed, whiney little slijot".

Rygel considered killing Crichton over the incident in Farscape 1.

Despite his frequent insults to her, Rygel values Zhaan's counsel.

John can now conjure up Harvey at will. John does not believe that Scorpius is dead, and uses Harvey to predict Scorpius' next move. Harvey appears to be a devil's advocate, with whom John can argue a topic through.

The density of the wormhole wall is required, in order to pull the two ships apart. Only one ship will survive; the other will fall through the wormhole wall into normal space and be destroyed by differentials in speed and density.

The alien's ship is essentially one giant computer -- its data cannot be offloaded to Moya.

The biomechanioid parts on John's module were "fried", out in the wormhole.

While refraining from a direct murder attempt, Rygel has no compunctions about betraying John to Jool, telling her about the death of her cousin and John's surgical procedure.

Chiana has developed sufficient emotional ties to the entire ship and crew, that she feels guilty for wanting to leave Moya and Pilot to save her own life.

When Jool tries to kill John, her hair changes color to a bright red.

It took a wellot of the Interion's neural fluid for the Diagnosan to treat John.

According to Jool, the first Interion who died was a member of the intellectual elite, holding sixteen advanced degrees. Evidently education is held in high esteem, in her culture.

Jool's attempt to kill John reveals the key to opening the new ship's defence screen; when hit by a blast from her pulse rifle, a small gap in the force field is visible, which permits D'Argo access.

Neeyala indicates that something dire will befall the aliens' families, if their ship fails to return with its collected data. Therefore, she intends to distract Moya's crew, so that they will not know her crewmate's true mission, which, whatever it is, will be fatal.

D'Argo, while unwilling to take Chiana back, nonetheless still cares for her, and is unwilling to leave her alone in pain.

Neeyala claims that this will be the first time she has been responsible for another's death.

Neeyala's gizmo reveals that one wormhole can reach apparently hundreds. Included in the recordings is an image from Earth, of the three Stooges.

John believes himself responsible for Pilot and Moya's impending deaths; his apology to Pilot is fraught with regrets and second-guessing.

Neeyala's gizmo is damaged during John's attempt to flee the serpent in Pilot's Den.



  1. Why was Jool in the cryostasis chamber, if she wasn't dying?
  2. Why does Jool call Chiana an "alley whore" instead of a "tralk"? Why does she say "crap" instead of "dren", when referring to Moya's being a living ship?
  3. There was a sense of malice or threat in his manner, when Stark hovered over Aeryn in Pilot's Den -- why? Why did Aeryn seem to connect it to Zhaan's dying?
  4. A shadow and wind seem to pass through the medical bay as Zhaan prays over Cresto's body. Is it caused by another appearance of the serpent? Or something else?
  5. What is Aeryn thinking, when she asks D'Argo why he won't chance trusting Chiana again? Is she simply comforting him, or is she looking for guidance, herself, in her relationship with John?


  1. John playing catch with Pilot's clamshell was cute.
  2. Watch for the face of one of the aliens, as the their ship rises out of the wormhole to collide with Moya.
  3. Chiana appears to be pulling a piece of Jool's hair out of her mouth, in the galley.
  4. The entire crew has come to question John's motives and judgement, when wormholes are involved:
    • "I'm worried that you're a little too excited."
    • "How desperate you must be for this wormhole knowledge."
    • "You place your obsession above the lives of your friends."
    • "What have these strangers done to so earn your trust?"
  5. Aeryn seems to have moved past the initial giddy rush of John's (and her own) declaration of love; she's observing him more objectively, and has already picked up on the fact that Harvey is still a factor in the equation.

Bloopers (none)


Farscape World
Farscape Fantasy
Tourist's Guide


Farscape World
Terra Firma


John: "Colonel Klink! Yo! Inspection is over."

Colonel Klink (played by Werner Klemperer) was the Kommandant of Stalag 13 in the 1960s sitcom classic HOGAN'S HEROES.

John: "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Wake up and die."

Sleeping Beauty was the heroine of a Brothers Grimm fairy tale. A witch's spell caused her to fall into a perpetual sleep unless awakened by the kiss of her true love.

John: "Buckwheat. You still want to get off this boat, man?"
Rygel: "More than ever! This creature sheds --"
John: "Good! 'Cause your Uncle Sam needs you."

During World War I, posters were used extensively to encourage support from the citizenry at large. As explained in one antiques publication:

Posters not only cried out for recruits, they exhorted the public to work, to save, to "button lips," and to make tremendous personal sacrifices for the war effort.

The war posters of World War I invariably presented the war as a crusade. The most often quoted recruitment poster in the United States was the James Montgomery Flagg artwork of Uncle Sam pointing a finger while the poster silently exhorted, "I Want You."

Actually, Flagg's "I Want You" poster had a British origin. Alfred Leete designed "Your Country Needs You" in 1914. It had the head and the direct pointing finger and hand down to the cuff, but no more. Flagg used more startling brush strokes.

War posters, by inference, are political posters in which the language is meant to appeal to all. Those first posters, up until 1919, in their advertising for war were considered commercial advertising. The true political poster came later.

Such posters are considered highly collectible today.

John: "This is Farscape One. Y'all leave the light on for us."

In the 1990s, American radio waves frequently carried the advertising campaign of a low-end motel chain, Motel 6. The ads featured a laid-back, country-type fellow by the name of Tom Bodett; while a catchy light tune played in the background, he told listeners, in a chummy tone, all about the downhome comforts of the motel rooms, etc. Each radio ad concluded with Bodett's trademark invitation, "We'll leave the light on for ya."

John: "Can it, F. Lee."

John is most likely a comparing Rygel to famous (or notorious, depending on one's point of view) lawyer F. Lee Bailey.

Another Three Stooges reference rears its head (dealt with in the next item).

Translator Microbe Report

Arth fatal rheumatoid disease
Briko a directional vector: "Once clear, spiral hard, 71 degrees, vector briko."
Complete spectrum roll observation/analysis Crichton asks Pilot to perform on the wormhole
Containment nexus circuitry portion of the Neural Cluster which routes sensory inputs to Pilot
Diffuse electron analysis across the electromagnetic range observation/analysis Crichton asks Pilot to perform on the wormhole
Dimensional bend in the halo effect theoretical condition Crichton asks Pilot to look for in the wormhole
Drist measure of quantity: "a drist of needless information"
External pressure sensors a portion of Moya's neural systems, located two tiers down and four across from the Neural Cluster
F. Lee Crichton's nickname for Rygel
Filtration component system of Moya
Galla root equivalent of pot: "Rebelling is smoking some galla root."
Hairdo Chiana's nickname for Jool
Mesots unit of currency: "I'll bet 40 mesots she gurgles and dies."
Neural fluid analogous to cerebrospinal fluid
Nexus system component system of Moya
Non-thermal dimensional forces forces generated by the use of a phaztillon generator in a wormhole
Oxillary conduits component of Moya
Pathfinder a rank or title aboard the Rado Slana
Phase presence what a phaztillon generator shifts
Phase resolution the process of regaining dimensionality when exiting a wormhole
Phasic reston ions lethal leakage from a phaztillon generator
Phaztillon generator the engine of the aliens' wormhole exploration vessel
Photonic distortion type of radiation produced during Moya's collision with the alien vessel
Predorian fly insect which transmits the disease arth
Rado Slana the alien research vessel which accidentally merged with Moya
Researcher a rank or title aboard the Rado Slana
Rugrat Crichton's nickname for Rygel
Selticore vents a portion of Moya's structure
Slijot pejorative: "Tell that whiny little slijot to get his dren together."
Spillet measure of quantity: "I cannot help but absorb a tiny spillet of their existence."
Stanerian lizard a variety of reptile mentioned by Jool
Trasta jutu das! D'Argo's curse when he accidently runs into the defense shield
Trintika Major home system of the predorian fly species
Vawn possibly analogous to hole or pit: "We're trapped in this vawn of a wormhole."
Vharishta, gailin, gailin Zhaan's prayer in the medical bay
Wellot measure of volume or weight: "You butchered my cousin's brain so you could steal a wellot of his neural fluid."


"We're already destroyed, Aeryn -- it's just that some of us don't know it yet." - D'Argo

"Pilot, take readings. Complete spectrum roll, diffuse electron analysis across the electromagnetic range. It's only theoretical, but look for a dimensional bend in the halo effect." - John Crichton

"I had no idea he could do that."
"I had no idea anyone could do that."
- D'Argo, Stark

"You can shut the frell up, I think, because if you're not going to take the translator microbes, you don't participate." - Aeryn Sun

"What? I mean, we're not even on the fairway? We're in the rough?" - John Crichton

"When I'm cornered, I...I don't think clearly."
"At least now you're speaking the truth."
"External pressure sensors?"
"Yank 'em all."
"I'm kinda in the mood to be destructive."
- Chiana, D'Argo

"I'll bet forty mesots she gurgles and dies before she can tell you where Earth is."
"Hey, sleeping beauty, wake up and die."
- Rygel, John Crichton

"You know me? My race?"
"Sebacean. Intellectually suited to carry weapons and die marching in formation."
"Human. Your species and mine might be related."
"Of course they are. I have a brother who's a stanerian lizard."
- John Crichton, Jool

"Die later. Starburst now!" - Stark

"Is two of you bad?"
"That sooo depends."
"Well, it's not bad enough."
- Chiana, D'Argo

"Since birth."
"Test pilot."
- Aeryn Sun, John Crichton

"She doesn't like you."
"Nah, it's a phase. It's part of her charm."
"Hmm. I admit to some skepticism myself."
"This way..."
- Neeyala, John Crichton

"Crichton needed a brain--"
"--storm, on how he could rescue you."
- Rygel, Chiana

"What is it you're not telling me?"
"Well, that we're in a crisis, Hairdo, so you can either help, shut up, or go back to sleep."
- Jool, Chiana

"This is Farscape One. Y'all leave the light on for us." - John Crichton

"The Zone. We are in the effin' zone, man! This is the dirty little secret of the universe. It all works, if you know how to use it."
"Can these things take us home?"
"In a heartbeat, if you know where you're going."
- John Crichton, Rygel

"Can you trust Crichton again?"
"He trusts these aliens."
"We know nothing about them."
"I think wormholes blind him."
"Well, at least he has a hobby."
"Help me keep an eye on him?"
- D'Argo, Aeryn Sun

"Well, you gotta know how deep the doo-doo is, Ryg, if you're gonna dig your way out." - John Crichton

"What about our friends?"
"What friends? We were thrown together against our will, and we're all just trying to make the best of it until we can get the chance to screw the others and get what we want. I vote out at the next gap."
- John Crichton, Rygel

"But I love you."
"If I did not feel the same, and more, could I ask this sacrifice of you?"
- Stark, Zhaan

"You broke my nose."
"You ain't got a nose, Guido, you got slits."
- Rygel, Crichton

"Do you not think that my bristles contain enough poison to dispatch you all? Yet when I fail to overload what are clearly inferior intellects with a drist of needless information, you bring weapons to bear. Kill me if you will. Let's see how you fare on your own."
"Do you feel better?"
- Neeyala, Aeryn Sun

"Shut up!" - Chiana, Zhaan, Aeryn (simultaneously to Jool)

"They'll never know if I kill Crichton."
"But you will."
- Rygel, Zhaan

"Have I ever told you that I appreciate your counsel?"
"Continuously, by accepting it."
- Rygel, Zhaan

"If he masters wormhole technology, what will he use it for?"
"Faster delivery of pizzas."
- John Crichton, Neural Clone

"How could you not choose science over a beast of burden? You disgust me, John. I long for the dumpster." - Neural Clone

"Do you only have one good ear, as well? I'm not dying just because a ship can eat and crap." - Jool

"Can it, F. Lee. Zhaan, Pilot is unconscious. Moya's nexus system is so backed up, the Roto-Router man couldn't get it--"
"I know the litany, John. How desperate you must be for this wormhole knowledge."
"You place your obsession above the lives of your friends."
"What have these strangers done to so earn your trust?"
- John Crichton, Zhaan, D'Argo, Stark

"I thought you were good with women."
"I am."
"Did you see what happened when she fired at the ship?"
"Actually, no, I was looking at the pulse rifle."
- D'Argo, John Crichton

"Now, John...we're trapped in this vawn of a wormhole...Pilot's unconscious, Moya is dying, and my son has slept with my betrothed. Lock this woman up!" - D'Argo

"I cannot take you back, Chiana, but I won't leave you alone in pain." - D'Argo

"Hey, Pilot...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. ...Could'a, would'a, should'a." - John Crichton

Comments from Cast & Crew

Justin Monjo, February 08, 2001

  • Moderator: <RyeGuy> to <Moderator>: Just wondering if you could divulge any info about the upcoming ep "Self Inflicted Wounds: Part 1" No specifics but is it a two parter? Another trilogy?

    JustinMonjo: This episode is written by David Kemper, and under threat of death I'm unable to reveal anything.

Paul Goddard, May 10, 2001

  • Moderator: <dw-mckim> to <Moderator>: So from one Henson fan to another...what's it like being the recipient of "Pilot puke"?

    PaulGoddard: Fantastic
    PaulGoddard: Delicious
    PaulGoddard: That was a joy to do.
    PaulGoddard: I love a bit of comedy.
    PaulGoddard: Surprisingly its a lot tastier than it may look.
    PaulGoddard: I really had to act disgust because well, it was, rather...moorish.

Ben Browder, Mat McCoy (w/Fiona Gentle and Tim Mieville), Lily Taylor, & Richard Manning, July 12, 2001

  • Moderator: <Busco> to <Moderator>: How do you write Jool's scream in the script? Is it EEEEEE or AAAAA??


  • Moderator: <Thinkum> to <Moderator>: Is Jool an Interon or an Interion?

    Lily Taylor: An Interion.
    Lily Taylor: But it does occassional sound like Interon on screen.

    Moderator: is that a silient "i" in the middle?

    Lily Taylor: yeis.

  • Moderator: <Busco> to <Moderator>: Was there any particular reason that the "Three Stooges" (SIW Part 1) was used? As opposed to other, familiar tv/film works?

    FrooniumRicky: DK is a Stooges fan, Ben likewise

Dave Elsey, July 19, 2001

  • Moderator: <Cush> to <Moderator>: Was Jool's design inspired by any one "thing or person" Or did you just have create someting that was "human like"?

    DaveE: [...] Jool's conception was interesting. it was kind of a difficult birth. I did a design very early on of what she pretty much turned out to be, except that she had bright red hair.
    DaveE: Normally, that would have ended up on the screen, but because of the importance of the character, Andrew Prowse and Tony Winley - the producer - really wanted to get it right.
    DaveE: And, they felt that she should be that kind of gingery blond that she appears as most of the time on the show.
    DaveE: I resisted for a while until David Kemper stepped in, angel that he is, and creative genius, and said, hey why don't we make her have the ability to change her hair colour whenever she has a mood swing.
    DaveE: And so everybody was happy!!
    DaveE: I should say by the way that much of the credit for Jool should go to Jen Lamphee, head of make-up, who actaully applies the make-up on a day to day basis.
    DaveE: My involvment is actually quite small with this character, we just hand over the appliances and I trust her implicitly to make any changes she may want to.

Farscape Wrap Day Extravaganza, July 26, 2001

  • Moderator: <Jayce66> to <Moderator>: 'Lo, Tony. Having done both, do you prefer shooting on the Talyn sets or the Moya sets?

    FrooniumRicky: Tony: "Moya sets"
    FrooniumRicky: Tony: "Not as hot. Talyn's a warm set"
    FrooniumRicky: (tighter quarters)

  • Moderator2: <AnnieBW> to <Moderator2>: So, how did Crichton manage to find all of that hair gel in the Uncharted Territories? Or was it the "Something About Aeryn" hair gel?

    SheldonWade: That was actually my hair-styling in Season 2 - I've now moved onto other characters. I'm now doing Jool.

  • Moderator2: <Ky> to <Moderator2>: Is Jool a "true redhead"?
    Moderator2: <cebix> to <Moderator2>: How long does it take to prepare Jool's hair?

    SheldonWade: Yeah, Jool's a true firey, redhead!
    SheldonWade: There's 3 wigs and each wig takes a day to pepare.